The results of this test leaked out via another family member, and there was a lot of anger by the mother that I doubted her faithfulness. I did apologize, although I really wanted to know the results.

My apology was not accepted as good enough, nor was it directly to the mother.

Before I could write a more direct apology — which would’ve been insincere — the mom wrote me several scathing emails and I am no longer welcome in their home. It’s getting tougher and tougher to even have phone calls with my son and granddaughter.

Meanwhile, this same son is truly callous, not remembering or celebrating my birthdays, Mother’s Day, the anniversary of his dad’s death or our anniversary. He is, however, always happy to ask for and accept extra money.

Do I give up? Just get a therapist so I can get beyond being so hurt and left out?

There is no apology that will ever be good enough, and truthfully, I wanted to know, while I am living, if my son was actually the father of this child. The mother and I cannot be reconciled. Any ideas?

Grammie From Afar: Well, you wanted to know, as you said.

You could have stayed out of it. You could have assumed the best of your daughter-in-law. You could have, assuming the worst, loved your granddaughter no matter her lineage, simply because your son chose to raise her as his own.

So you crossed all the bounds of decency to find out.

So what surprises me most about your letter is that you seem surprised now to be left out. That you claim to be hurt by the people you so willfully, unapologetically hurt. That the sheets are rough in the vicious bed you made.

In addition to daily gratitude exercises for the access to your grandchild you still have (or purchase), a therapist sounds like a plan.

I mean that sincerely. Please get some help.

Dear Carolyn: My dad is remarried to an awesome woman. She is really good for him, and they are devoted.

I’m in my 30s and live far away — like overnight-flight far — and when I come home, he really wants to hang out and bond relentlessly. He has said it’s hard for her when I come home (twice a year) because he gives me all his attention, and it’s hard for her to see him worry about me.

This doesn’t seem like her — particularly the jealousy bit. He has a track record of attributing the wrong motivations. I’m also not sure how or whether I should bring it up with her directly, but would like to fix it if it’s there. What do you think?

Far Away: I think it’s probably not true — unreliable narrator — and even if it is true, then it’s between them and not for you to fix.

It’s twice a year! Spend your visits bonding, not on [waves hands vaguely] this. (Be sweet to her, though, for sure.)