For nearly two decades, I’ve dedicated my career to understanding and addressing the challenges facing young women. As the founder of Ruling Our eXperiences (ROX), I’ve had the privilege of researching the lives of more than 50,000 girls across the United States. This journey, which began with my faculty research in 2006, has given me unprecedented insights into the complex world of girlhood in this country.

But my journey didn’t start in a research lab or a counsellor’s office. It began in the body of an insecure preteen who hit puberty way too early and felt like a giant among her peers.

Picture a 12-year-old girl who looked 18, towering over classmates, grappling with a changing body that seemed to have a mind of its own. That girl was me. I was strong, athletic and competitive at a time when female strength was often seen as unfeminine. I remember the sideways glances, the whispers, the constant feeling of not fitting in — not with the girls, not with the boys, not even in my own skin.

Worries about my weight and my body image? They were constant companions — uninvited guests that took up far too much space in my young mind. I struggled with the contradiction of being proud of my athletic abilities while simultaneously wishing I could shrink myself to fit societal expectations.

As I reflect on my journey, I can’t help but think about the times I was told I was “too loud,” had “too many opinions,” or simply didn’t follow the expectations set for girls. It was a constant battle between being true to myself and fitting into the mold society had created for me. And you know what? Our research shows this struggle persists for girls today.

My most recent research study, which included more than 17,000 fifth-grade through 12th-grade girls in The Girls’ Index, reveals a troubling trend: 67% of the participants reported that they don’t say what they’re thinking or disagree with others because they want to be liked. Let that sink in for a moment. Two-thirds of girls are silencing themselves to be accepted. As someone who was often labeled as opinionated or bossy, I understand the pressure to conform, to be quieter, to take up less space. But I can’t help but wonder: What are we losing when our girls are silenced?

Every time a girl chooses not to speak up in class, every time she bites her tongue instead of sharing an innovative idea, every time she shrinks herself to fit others’ expectations, we all lose. We lose her unique perspective, her creativity, and her potential solutions to problems. In a world facing unprecedented challenges, can we really afford to miss out on the contributions of half our population?

This silencing effect doesn’t just impact girls in school; it follows them into adulthood, into boardrooms and politics — into every sphere of life. It’s a key factor in the leadership gap we see, where over half of girls fear being labeled “bossy” if they take charge. This hesitation to lead, to speak up, and to disagree, has far-reaching implications for gender equality in the workforce and society at large.

Other findings from our survey are just as stark and, frankly, terrifying. Since 2017, the percentage of girls reporting confidence has declined from 68% to just 55%. A staggering 53% of girls report feeling persistently sad or hopeless. As one seventh-grade girl told us, “Girls my age don’t feel happy the way we are. We want to be someone else.” Reading this, I feel a painful twinge of recognition — like I’m hearing my younger self speak.

We also discovered that two-thirds of girls reported that their body image negatively impacts their confidence. Two-thirds! And nearly 60% of high school girls said they don’t believe they’re smart enough for their dream jobs. My heart aches thinking about all that untapped potential — all those dreams put on hold because of self-doubt.

Social media isn’t helping. When I was growing up, my insecurities were largely confined to school hours and the occasional sleepover. But now? Our data shows that 95% of fifth-grade and sixth-grade girls use social media, with 41% spending over six hours a day scrolling through their feeds. That’s six hours of constant comparison. Six hours of curated “perfection.” Six hours of potential self-doubt. It’s enough to make any parent or educator lose sleep.

As I watch my own young daughter grow, these statistics take on a new, urgent meaning. I see her confidence, her spark, her uninhibited joy, and I think, How do I protect this? How do I make sure she doesn’t go through what I did? It’s no longer just about research or professional passion, it’s deeply, intensely personal.

Still, despite all the challenges, all of my own struggles, and the daunting statistics, I’m hopeful. Why? Because I’ve seen the power of supportive environments, mentorship, and giving girls the tools they can use to build their confidence.

Early in my career, I faced tremendous judgment, exclusion and undermining from other women. It was a harsh reminder that the competition and insecurities of girlhood don’t magically disappear in adulthood. But I’ve also been lifted up by incredible female champions — mentors, colleagues and friends who saw my potential and nurtured it. Their support has been a powerful driving force, motivating me to challenge limits and foster meaningful change for girls.

This is the kind of support system we need to build for every girl. Our research shows that confident girls feel they belong at school, can be their authentic selves, have strong relationships with their peers and supportive adults, and embrace new challenges. They speak their minds and aspire to leadership.

As I think back to that insecure, too-tall, too-strong girl I once was, I wish I could tell her, “You’re perfect just as you are. Your strength is your most beautiful asset. Your voice and opinion are important and valuable.” And that’s the message I’m fighting to instil in every girl today, including my daughter.

The path forward isn’t easy, but it’s clear. We need to reframe how we view and support girls’ development. It’s not about empty praise or shielding them from challenges. It’s about creating environments where they can explore, fail, learn and grow. It’s about emphasising resilience, critical thinking and self-advocacy over outward appearance or grades.

As we work to build a more confident generation of girls, we must also create a world that values their voices, opinions and leadership. We need to show girls that being “too loud” or having “too many opinions” isn’t a flaw — it’s a strength. We need to teach them that their ideas matter, that their disagreement can lead to better solutions, and that their unique perspectives are valuable.

Our girls deserve to grow up knowing their worth, believing in their abilities, and feeling empowered to shape their own futures. It’s time we commit to fostering a generation of confident, capable young women who are ready to take on the world — not as they think it wants them to be, but as their true, authentic selves.

It’s been said “the future is female.” Let’s make sure it’s a future where every girl — the early bloomers, the late bloomers, the athletes, the artists, the quiet ones, and the loud ones — knows her power and isn’t afraid to use it. That’s the world I needed as a girl, it’s the world I’m working to create through two decades of research, and most importantly, it’s the world I’m determined to build for my daughter and every other girl today.

Together, we can turn the tide on this confidence crisis. Our girls are counting on us. Let’s not let them down.

Lisa Hinkelman, Ph.D., is a nationally recognized researcher, speaker and author who has spent nearly 20 years researching girls and educating adults — first as a professor at Ohio State University and currently as the founder and CEO of Ruling Our eXperiences (ROX), a national nonprofit organisation focused on creating generations of confident girls. She is the author of the groundbreaking research report The Girls’ Index, a national study with more than 17,000 girls, and her bestselling book, “Girls Without Limits: Helping Girls Succeed in Relationships, Academics, Careers and Life,” was published by Corwin Press.

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